So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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