it hurts more in the daytime
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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