are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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