just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
