A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize