Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
