i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
