I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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