Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
