I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
