she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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