I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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