Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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