def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
