I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
you never un-have a 4some
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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