Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
