I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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