Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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