he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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