Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
