I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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