really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
