think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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