come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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