As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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