office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
