Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
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I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
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I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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