wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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