Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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