No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
