I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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