Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
