U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
