three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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