the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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