why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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