Im at strip club and am horny
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
