so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
