I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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