they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
