I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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