I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
