I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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