There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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