I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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