Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
