I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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