Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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