The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
