It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The feeling are messing with the penis
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
