have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
