Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
