awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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