guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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