this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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