On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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