I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
