I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
