So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
