Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
