so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
