puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
