google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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