so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
