I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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