he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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