When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
