I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
