guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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