He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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