I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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