i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
