i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
