He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
