friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
