Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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