It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
